Fantasy Footy from a female perspective
For most people when they hear the term “Fantasy Football League” it paints the picture of a group of socially inept and sweating man-children.
They spend their weekends watching every second of football together; breaking it up with shirtless wrestling, eating comically oversized pizza, pooping and then having disturbingly in depth conversations about the size, shape and consistency of their poop.
Like so many stereotypes in the world like Asians can’t drive, women comedians are never funny; this stereotype has an overwhelming element of truth to it. As the “Token Trifecta” of my fantasy football league – female, black and female (it’s enough of a hindrance I can count it twice, that’s equality right?) – I have spent many a weekend with these boys, which has opened my eyes to a lot of fascinating things. Such as what a 160kg man looks like in daisy duke shorts, what “bukake” means, but most importantly how incredibly satisfying it is in to make one of your dear friends feel physically ill from the humiliation of you metaphorically bending them over a table and dominating them in this glorious competition known as fantasy football.
Over the past four seasons my team The Hubris Beavers have, to put it delicately, been sucking a bag of dicks. We’ve had many low points but also some admiral ones as well. While yet to claim a spot in the honourable “Shiva Bowl” (Grand Final) I’m optimistic our time will come.
Being the lone female contender in a league is much of the same; but I wouldn’t trade it for the world… Or for 2012 Ben Barba.
If you are a female looking to join a fantasy football league here are some of the things you need to be okay with:
- Draft day plans will and should over take all other trivial events in your life; like your wedding or birthing a child
- No man will ever consistently please you like a front rower averaging six points a game (James Graham you are sex on a British stick)
- Being a girl in a male dominated activity does not help exclude you from banter or smack talk. To date the nicest descriptions of me have been “that little brown girl”, “visible fart” and “midget slut”
- When on a first date during those first series of questions like “What NRL team do you support?” your answer will no longer be as simple as “The Knights”, it will be a long tangent on a number of different players including fits of rage over lingering injuries. (Warning: this will also probably result in no second date, but if they don’t get it them you didn’t want it anyway. Nobody got time for that)
My word of advice is if you are a girl into footy and ultimately enjoy being one of the boys then a fantasy football competition is awesome to be a part of.
If however you only have an interest because your boyfriend plays in one don’t bother.
You need true commitment so that if you do break up with the multi-championship winning guy, you’ve shit all over everyone else in the previous years associated tipping comp and have won the new year’s naming rights to the competition. That way even if he continues to beat you are fantasy football, the league gets to put in their tips every week for “The Ryan Lynn sucked as a BF but was above average in the sack” tipping comp.
Rhyanna
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- Fantasy Footy from a female perspective - June 5, 2015
